


she doesn't give a damn about me

by cobblestaubrey



Series: c'est la vie [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/F, Sort Of, for one of them, is it a happy ending?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26789482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobblestaubrey/pseuds/cobblestaubrey
Summary: Gigi stays, and Crystal leaves, even if it feels like the opposite.In which Crystal is a teenage dirtbag, but Gigi does know what she's missing.
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd, Nicky Doll/Crystal Methyd
Series: c'est la vie [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979863
Comments: 19
Kudos: 38





	she doesn't give a damn about me

**Author's Note:**

> I tried something new, I guess? I like this, I really do.

The music feels a little different tonight. The people do, too - kids who usually roamed the halls - all dressed up and dispersed around the gym, celebrating one of their last years together before they're shipped off across the country. Crystal smirks to herself, in a year she'll never have to see any of them again, the day she always hoped for.

At least she can’t hear any of them over the song playing. Crystal tries to hum along, but she stumbles over the words and ends up a few notes off in every direction.

Her eyes trail across the crowd slowly; she’s rocking back and forth mindlessly on the balls of her feet while Daegen drones on about the cute boy singing in the band currently on stage, the same guy that made Daegen bring them here in the first place. Crystal isn’t really a school dance kind of girl - she’d much rather be playing video games or painting stupid shit she saw in her dreams - but she’ll do anything for Daegen, including this.

Well, Crystal can’t really say _nothing else_ is making this dance tolerable. There’s a vision in white, spinning around in circles on the dance floor, acting like there’s not a care in the world.

The puffy dress Gigi Goode, head cheerleader and standard good girl, is wearing makes Crystal feel a bit underdressed in her white chucks, loose dress pants, and half buttoned white dress shirt. She was going for that sort of not-giving-a-fuck-while-still-adhering-to-social-guidelines shit she always did when she got ready, treading the line between acceptable and trashy. She thrifted the pants and borrowed the button-up from her older brother, who was almost half a foot taller than her and probably two Crystals wide. The sneakers are hers, at least, stained as all Hell, but they still look white under the glow of the gymnasium. 

Gigi spins around the gym floor, with eyes for no one except for her date, until she sees Crystal. The redhead is balanced against the wall, letting her eyes roam unabashedly up and down Gigi’s body, despite not really being able to see anything. 

The brunette’s heels dig harshly into the gym floors, probably leaving a few skid marks, with how fast Gigi stops. 

_Crystal was just on the brink of sixteen when Gigi Goode appeared in her life. It wasn’t that Crystal was a Wallflower of any kind, but she knew her crowd, and it was four people. Gigi Goode was never supposed to be one of those four._

_Sometimes, Crystal’s one hour of homework a night overwhelmed her, and she would sneak out to the park a few blocks from her house to just sit on the grass and watch the clouds cover up the moon._

_Then, one night, Gigi fucking Goode appeared like a vision, illuminated by the moon, a spotlight to her entrance. It wasn’t as bright as the spotlight she was put under during the day, when the sun burned her fair skin like the eyes that were always on her._

_She looked softer. She was less sharp angles and glares, more soft smiles and dainty hands._

_Why the fuck was she walking towards Crystal, though?_

_The redhead decided her only option was to stare upwards at the stars, and pretend that her heart wasn’t beating in her throat._

_“Hey,” was the first word she had ever heard from Gigi Goode that was directed towards her. Really, Crystal had never uttered a word to the brunette, instead choosing to ignore her whenever they were in the same vicinity. It wasn’t that she hated Gigi, but she knew nothing but trouble would come from giving her any of her time._

_Crystal flicked her head down, made eye contact with Gigi, and said nothing._

_Gigi scoffed, putting her hands to her hips. “Hello?”_

_“Not interested.”_

_The joint in her hand barely lit up her own face, but she knew the blank expression on it held would come across no matter what._

_Gigi huffed, yet didn’t turn to leave like Crystal expected. Instead, in a swift, adamant motion, she sat down next to Crystal, refusing to look at her._

_They both sat there for a while, staring up at the stars._

_“What are you doing here?” Crystal finally muttered, turning her head slightly to trace Gigi’s profile._

_Gigi cocked her head and sighed, closing her eyes. Crystal could feel the breeze on their backs, and revelled in the escape from the late spring air, which had warmed up considerably since May began. “I told my mom I was sleeping over at Jaida’s house.”_

_Crystal looked around. “This isn’t Jaida’s house.”_

_Snorting in response, Gigi continued. “Yeah, well, I was supposed to be at my boyfriend’s.”_

_“Damn, ‘Goode’ girls gone bad, tonight. Too bad this isn’t his house, either.” Crystal tried to elbow Gigi softly in jest, but Gigi still shook her head, staring at the dying grass._

_“I was at his house.”_

_Crystal tensed, swallowing thickly. “He didn’t…”_

_The brunette’s reaction is immediate, her eyes wide and hands lifted, always defensive. “No, no! Of course not. I just needed to leave.”_

_“Were you scared?” She mumbled it, hoping maybe Gigi wouldn’t hear, but needing to ask, for her own morality._

_Gigi shook her head, “It doesn’t matter.”_

_“Is it worth it? To have to leave in the middle of the night?”_

_Gigi mashed her lips together._

_“It has to be worth it. You wouldn’t take this.” The wind howled, filling in the silence between the two. The brunette had never looked so beautiful, Crystal thought. It was late, late enough that Gigi had taken off her makeup at some point. Crystal usually caked her own makeup on, receiving a comment about her being a clown on a daily basis, so seeing someone like Gigi good with typical makeup on never phased her._

_Seeing Gigi without makeup, though, made her heartbeat just a little faster. Something about her lips being so bare, so natural, yet still full did something to Crystal, and she felt it low in her stomach._

_“I would.” It was said in a whisper, but Crystal still heard it loud and clear._

_She had the decency to at least look surprised at the admission. “Oh.”_

_The sigh that Gigi let out was high, and ended roughly, sounding like a groan. “I don’t even know why I’m fucking here, spilling my guts out to you. I don’t even know you.”_

_Crystal’s eyelids drooped as she lowered her eyebrows, letting her neutral expression turn into one of apathy. “Yeah, sorry I forced you out here. My bad.”_

_Gigi bit back, and Crystal wondered if the brunette’s fingernails were digging into the palms of her hands with how hard she was clenching her fist. “Don’t act like you know anything about me, either.”_

_Crystal looked around, looking incredulous. Then, while gesturing at the surrounding area, she looked directly at Gigi. “I was literally just fucking sitting here, Gigi. You came to me.” It was growing colder, Crystal could feel it, but she felt anger buzz through her body. Gigi had walked the hallways like she owned them, yet somehow let herself succumb to being treated like shit by her boyfriend?_

_So why the fuck was she mad at Crystal?_

_“Yeah, I bet you wish that’s how it happened,” Gigi snarled. This is the Gigi that Crystal knew; the girl who spoke daggers. The defense she put up had always intrigued Crystal, but having it thrown in front of her face only served to piss her off. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”_

_The two stared at each other, the crickets’ chirps reminding Crystal of the passing time. “You stayed.” Gigi’s eye twitched, and her nostrils flared, but she didn’t make a move. “I didn’t ask you to.”_

_The girl physically deflated, her fists loosening up, her back slouching, and her eyes losing that fire. Gigi looked like a shell of the girl who walked the halls only hours ago. “You’ve never asked anything of me.”_

_Oh, fuck. That stupid line that started it all. Crystal knew this was going nowhere fast, but she had never really planned ahead._

_Crystal looked nauseous, squinting her eyes and scrunching up her nose. “Please don’t tell me you love me or some dumb shit.”_

_Gigi’s manic laugh scared Crystal for a moment, it was sudden and broken. “No, of course not.” She sighed, placing her hand against her forehead. “That would be…”_

_“Gay?”_

_Okay, maybe not the right word, by the way Gigi glared._

_“Stupid, Crystal. That would be fucking stupid.”_

_The barest hint of vulnerability in Gigi’s eyes vanished, but that revealed more than Crystal needed. “You want me.” It was simple, and it was Crystal. Why beat around the bush? Crystal didn’t want to waste anymore time, she had History first period tomorrow and refused to fall asleep in it._

_The “fuck you” Gigi growled out was thick with unshed tears, and maybe Crystal had gone too far, but it wasn’t every day the rich, head bitch in charge revealed she was gay for you at a stupid park right before midnight._

_Gigi didn’t leave, though._

_She stayed._

The smile that spreads on her face, despite how hard she tries to stop it, confuses Gigi, and Crystal can see that no problem. The memory is fond, in hindsight. Sometimes stories don’t have a definitive start or end, but that night is an ‘x’ in the timeline between her and Gigi. The brunette reluctantly goes back to dancing, trying to ignore Crystal's stare. 

Daegen has wandered off, so Crystal tries the punch just to pass the time. No one’s spiked it yet, which works out better than she expected. Mixing her high with any alcohol takes a lot out of her and is less fun, and more concerning with the amount of dumb shit she’ll get herself into, moreso than usual. 

She sets herself up again one of the walls next to the bleachers, hoping to distract herself from the girl who has caught her eye on the dance floor. The gym floors have never been so interesting, until a pair of high heels enter her peripheral. It’s not Gigi like she hoped (yet simultaneously dreaded), it’s Nicky Doll; she’s modelesque, all tall and blonde, but she gives zero shits about who she’s dancing with as long as she’s dancing.

She’s wearing a smirk, covered in red lipstick, causing Crystal’s heart to drop into her stomach. Her perfume invades all of her senses, and she involuntarily shudders at the closeness. 

It’s not that she and Nicky are close, but the distance between them at the moment betrays that. Sure, Nicky’s never made her attraction to Crystal a secret, and Crystal’s never shied away from flirting back, and, yeah, there was that one party sophomore year that involved a lot of alcohol and a very _small_ closet, but, whatever. This is a new one.

Maybe it’s the shirt? She glances down for a second, checking if it really looks that good on her, reaching for the hem to adjust where it’s tucked in her pants. 

“You came alone?” Nicky’s got one eyebrow raised, her accent painting her words. Her tone is low, so Crystal knows something is probably being offered here, but Gigi is still twenty feet away and looking _so_ beautiful beneath the lights.

Crystal juts her chin somewhere into the crowd. “My friend ran off with some boy,” she shrugs, watching Nicky’s blue eyes light up as the rotating lights pass by. 

“Ugh, boys,” her eyes twinkle with mirth. “The worst.”

Crystal nods back, dazed. “The worst.” All she can really do is repeat what Nicky’s saying, as she has no words forming anywhere in her fuzzy brain. 

If Crystal thought Nicky looked coy before, it was nothing compared to the way the blonde glanced down, quirking her lips to the side, before looking back up again and taking a step closer. “Are you going to just stand here all night, or are you going to dance with me?”

Crystal is still a little wobbly on her feet, but she pushes herself off of the wall anyway. 

She wants to kiss Nicky.

The thought shocks her, honestly, but she pushes it away, passing it off as a stupid ideation, the kind of stuff she usually gets when she’s high and around pretty girls.

Nicky is clearly happy by the way her laugh lines come out - _oh, those dimples_ , Crystal can’t help but think - and she grabs Crystal’s left hand, pulling her towards the others dancing. 

They’re mere feet from Gigi and her boyfriend now. Gigi’s looking straight at Crystal, but that’s when she notices Gigi isn’t the only one with her eye on someone else tonight. Her boyfriend - Crystal can never remember his stupid, white-boy name - is staring somewhere else.

Crystal tries as hard as she can to follow his eye line, standing on her tippy toes as Nicky spins around in front her, and sees Dahlia at the corner of the gym. She’s looking back at the boy, rubbing her arm, like some sort of Debby-Ryan-Radio-Rebel shit, yet Crystal still feels for the girl. Dahlia’s from a completely different world than Gigi’s boyfriend, some Romeo and Juliet shit Crystal can’t stand, because she gets it.

_The hallways still controlled Gigi after her night with Crystal, yet Crystal never really cared about if the brunette was looking her way. She was busy hiding under the bleachers and trying not to check out her History teacher (come on, Mrs. Hall was a total babe), Gigi was the farthest thing from her mind._

_But sometimes, just every now and then, Crystal would shake her head, trying to get the brunette out of her head. It was a rare occasion, when she’d scan the hallway, looking for Gigi, just to make eye contact for a second. Gigi always looked away from Crystal’s stare. Sometimes she’d flush, sometimes she’d close her eyes and scrunch her nose, but it never hurt. It would have hurt if Gigi kept looking at her, or looked through her, past her, like she was nothing._

_But Gigi showed she still cared._

_And sometimes, an even rarer occasion, Gigi would come to that park on a Thursday or Friday night, dressed down and makeup free. Their nights spread into the summer, the wind growing warmer as the days grew longer._

_They’d sit there, talking about anything. She hated how well she understood Gigi and the way they could talk for hours, never running out of anything to say._

_Sometimes, things bubbled underneath the surface, but Crystal chose not to speak. She would bask in the silence, listening to the wind and the crickets, and Gigi’s breath speeding up when she finally took Crystal’s hand, on a late June evening._

_It was in early July when Crystal stopped giving her jackets to Gigi, keeping her warm with an arm around her instead._

_A week later, Gigi’s cold, nimble fingers grabbed onto the lapels of said jacket, and pulled her in, sliding their lips together. Crystal sighed hotly into Gigi’s mouth._

_Finally._

_Crystal had started falling for Gigi, falling hard, hating the way the butterflies swarmed in her chest, trying to cover up the feeling with every inhale of her joint._

_After a while, she stopped bringing her joints, and started trying to enjoy the moment with Gigi as it was. Maybe it was just the weed._

_It wasn’t._

_She was afraid, of course she was. About what would happen when the summer ended, who Gigi wanted Crystal to be, who Crystal could even be for Gigi. Gigi had a boyfriend, who she pretended to love, as she dug her fingers into Crystal's jacket. What kind of sick prank was the universe playing?_

_They had never talked about any of this. They should have talked about this first._

_Fuck it._

_Crystal wrapped her arms around Gigi’s waist, pulling her closer, gasping at the way Gigi’s own hands moved to her neck, holding her in place. Deepening the kiss, Gigi moved forward, throwing one of her legs across Crystal’s own._

_Gigi Goode was straddling her, and pushing her tongue into Crystal’s mouth._

_Gigi Goode was also predictable, though. Calculated, sure, a bit of a hothead, definitely, but predictable nonetheless._

_Within a minute, Gigi had pushed herself off of Crystal. She stood up abruptly, brushing herself off and staring coldly at Crystal, who was still on the ground._

_The brunette opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Crystal’s heart hurt, genuinely, and so did her head. She knew she’d start crying if Gigi left, yet she didn’t reach out to keep her there, she couldn’t. Gigi would scream and fight her, until Crystal was forced to break her own heart and Gigi’s._

_So Crystal walked away, instead, and Gigi stayed._

_She always wondered if Gigi’s mom or dad ever cared about how late Gigi got home, or if they had noticed she was crying that night._

_Crystal didn’t go to the park the next night, or any night that summer after that. She wasn’t going to go looking for Gigi, or go waiting for her. She had a bit more self respect than that, so the park became off limits._

The arms wrapped around Crystal’s neck keep her swaying to the beat; her own hands are set on Nicky’s waist gently. They’re laughing with each other, but she wonders if Gigi is looking at her while it happens. 

Nicky taps her hand on the back of Crystal’s neck, pulling Crystal back to her. “A few of my friends want to take pictures - do you mind?”

Crystal reluctantly pulls her hands away from Nicky’s waist, nodding her head. “Not at all,” she smiles gently, and Nicky mimics her expression, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. Crystal blushes, shaking her head inwardly. “Have fun.” 

“If you’re still here when I’m done…” Nicky trails off, leaving the rest up to Crystal. For a moment, the blonde almost looks _hopeful_. Crystal’s breath catches, just for a second, nothing anyone would notice, but she nods nonetheless. 

“Yeah, definitely,” she finishes their unspoken conversation, and it’s enough to make Nicky grin once more. She reaches down to squeeze Crystal’s hand, and then turns to skip away. 

That leaves Crystal awkwardly swaying amongst the crowd, until she notices Gigi is alone, too. Predictably, her boyfriend is with Dahlia, looking around like he’s trying not to get caught. Gigi isn’t looking at Crystal anymore, though.

Gigi is dancing, and it’s beautiful. 

She’s beautiful. 

Her feet move with the beat, so she can’t stop herself from moving towards Gigi, feeling that stupid pull towards her that she always has. 

Gigi feels Crystal’s presence before she sees her, slowing down her dance until she comes to a full stop. Her eyes are wide and unassuming, but when she looks around and realizes Nicky is gone, her scowl comes back. 

“Where’s your girlfriend?”

Crystal scoffs. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

The brunette shakes her head, looking utterly defeated. It’s clearly a sore topic, but it’s also clearly something that Gigi has resigned herself to. Like she doesn’t deserve better. 

_Gigi was officially ignoring Crystal, now. Their junior year had started in a blink, yet the days dragged on._

_Crystal and Gigi shared one class together, yet the redhead never heard a word from the taller girl. Gigi was silent - always attentive, always listening - never saying a word._

_Sometimes, Crystal could feel the eyes boring into the back of her head._

_But it never hurt, because it showed Gigi still cared._

“Let’s get out of here, Geege,” Crystal whispers, right into Gigi’s ear. It's impulsive, she knows, but Gigi deserves better. At least, Crystal _thinks_ she does, and she wants nothing more than to take Gigi home with her once and for all. 

Gigi’s breath hitches, placing her hands on where Crystal’s had landed on her waist. She tears them off and pushes Crystal away. “What are you doing?” 

Crystal swallows thickly, balling her hands into loose fists. “Please,” she looks between Gigi’s eyes; she’s begging her, silently. 

Gigi says nothing.

“Why are you so fucking scared?” 

_Crystal had been staring into the mirror of the gross second floor bathroom for a straight minute, dragging her eyes along her skin. An acne scar here, a mole there, freckles littered across her nose._

_Gigi opened the door swiftly, pausing as it slammed against the wall._

_“Gigi,” Crystal breathed out, removing her hands from the sink in front of her._

_The brunette’s legs shook, just barely, but she walked forward._

_She stayed._

_The bathroom became their new, grosser park, where they escaped for afternoon rendezvous._

_Until one day, just like Crystal had been holding her breath for, Gigi didn’t kiss her._

_She walked towards the mirror, gripping the porcelain sink to the point of her fingers turning white._

_“This has to stop,” she whispered, barely meeting Crystal’s eyes in the mirror._

_Crystal said nothing. She clenched her jaw, trying hard to not react. She couldn’t let Gigi know she hurt her._

_But Gigi still cared, and Crystal could tell by the way Gigi’s eyes followed her out. They always did._

“Because it’s you or everything else, Crystal,” Gigi whispers hotly, trying not to catch anyone’s eye as she avoids Crystal’s own.

Crystal rolls her eyes, stepping forward. “No one even knows you,” she says, dragging her eyes up and down Gigi’s frame, just to piss her off. “I know you.”

The lights continue roaming over the crowd, lighting up Gigi’s eyes every few seconds. Unshed tears reflect the blues and purples, and it makes Gigi’s face glow just a bit more than anyone else around them.

Gigi shakes her head, “You don’t know me.” 

Crystal wants to cry, she wants to scream. “ _Geege_ -”

“You don’t know _anything_ , Crystal.” 

There’s so much left unsaid between them, the tension throwing itself through Crystal’s body. They’re lightning strikes in her heart, and in her eyes.

She hears nothing, but feels a hand in her own. It’s not Gigi’s, though, it pulls her backwards, turns her around. 

“Crystal?” She watches Nicky’s mouth move around her name, and she looks a lot less coy - more surprised, if anything - giving Crystal a genuine simper. “You’re here still?”

Gigi’s there, the telltale clacking of her heels not having sounded off, but Crystal doesn’t turn around. She maps Nicky's face instead, admiring her imperfect smile and tan skin. Nothing about the blonde hurts.

“Yeah,” she breathes out, biting her lip. “I’m not sure for how much longer, though.” 

_Crystal cornered Gigi in the empty hall one day, after Gigi’s cheer practice, and Crystal’s monthly detention. It had been weeks since they had last kissed, but Gigi still looked every day, and Crystal’s heart still sped up when she thought about her._

Nicky doesn’t look upset, though, quite the opposite. She pulls Crystal closer, leaning towards Crystal to ask if she’d like to ditch _with_ Nicky. 

_“Tell me you don’t love me,” Crystal whispered, breathing hotly into Gigi’s ear._

“Well?” Nicky tilts her head, waiting for Crystal’s response.

_“Well?” A nearby classroom clock ticked, the only sound besides their breathing between them._

Finally, she nods her head, lifting her free hand to lightly trace patterns on Nicky’s waist. “Yeah, I’d love to.”

_“I do.” A stray tear fell from Gigi’s closed eyes, as she rocked forward, melting their bodies together. “But I shouldn’t.”_

_“It doesn’t matter, Geege,” Crystal rubbed Gigi’s back, trying to calm her down._

_The brunette’s body shook against her, sniffles and hiccups and a cough creating a cacophony of sounds which vibrated through Crystal’s chest. Gigi was inches taller than Crystal, but felt so small in the moment._

_Her fists beat against Crystal's chest softly, before she pulled away. “It does.” She pulled away, like she always fucking did, rubbing at her red eyes. “It does fucking matter, Crystal, it always did.”_

_“Can you not push me away, fucking once?” Crystal snarled out, shoving her hands into her leather jacket’s pockets._

_Gigi stared blankly at her, her voice trembling with her lip. “Leave, Crystal. And leave me alone.”_

_It was final._

_So Crystal left._

_She turned on her heel, stomping down the hallway like a toddler, swearing under her breath, about Gigi, about herself, about this stupid high school._

_Gigi’s eyes followed her, like they always did. And Gigi stayed where she was, like she always did, while Crystal left._

Nicky loops her arm through Crystal’s, right before Crystal takes out her phone to tell Daegen that she's leaving a bit earlier than she expected.

Crystal leaves the gymnasium with Gigi’s eyes on her, like they always are. And Gigi stays, like she always does, surrounded by a bunch of people who don’t really give a shit about her, and a boy across the gym she’s supposed to love, who loves someone else.

But Crystal doesn’t love anyone else. 

Looking at Nicky as they leave, and watching the moon cast shadows around her face, Crystal thinks she could, though. 

The gym doors close loudly behind her, yet she doesn’t look back. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Comment if you'd like :)


End file.
